Oh boy, here goes. Does anyone really care at this point? I sure don't.
Top Four Group Routine (Choreographed by Tyce Diorio)
Dear Tyce: This song makes no sense when you put a girl in the middle of it. What, is she supposed to literally be Lady Luck? Give me a break. Or did we just disregard the whole point of this song? I think not, considering every once in a while someone threw dice. This is what we call "an incomplete idea." Know where you're going before you choreograph a rambling, tediously boring, nonsensical tangent getting there. And it wasn't just me; notice how none of the judges complimented Tyce's choreography. Because it sucked.
Wow... it's gonna be a long night. Strap yourselves in.
Lauren and Pasha (Argentine Tango by Miriam Larici & Leonardo Barrionuevo)
This was definitely sensual and sleek, but it wasn't particularly exciting or visually interesting. The lighting was dark, the costumes were dark, that chair was sitting there with no purpose whatsoever. It was all very bleak. Having said that, Lauren is probably the best dancer left on the show in terms of embodying characters and successfully picking up new dance styles. But let's be honest, this (like most routines he's in) was all about Pasha. Sex.
Side Note: I hate Tyce. What a douche. Don't make a bunch of sounds and then pretend they're words. Mia was there first, and she does it much more endearingly.
Side Note 2: What the hell, Adam? Just comment on the dance and stop with the asides. This isn't Shakespeare.
Adechike and Lauren (Afrojazz by Sean Cheesman)
Adechike just zaps the life out of me. I can't stand watching him dance, I'm sorry. He is so stiff and lifeless on that stage, and I just don't understand why. African dance is the root of it all. It's wild, untamed, free. So at some point, you're gonna have to let loose. You're gonna have to lose yourself in the music a bit. You're gonna have to, at the very least, bend your freaking back. Seriously, what's up with that? Watch Lauren throw herself around that stage, and then watch Adechike barely bend over and hold himself up like he's wearing a scoliosis brace. It infuriates me that he can take something as joyful as this wonderful choreography and make it look like a funeral. And just so everyone knows, I typed all of this before Nigel even started speaking, so I'm clearly not the only one noticing how awkward Adechike is. Get rid of him, please.
Robert and Anya (Viennese Waltz by Jonathan Roberts)
First off, I'm glad they're bringing in some new blood for these ballroom routines. It gets old watching 50 Jean-Marc Genereux and Tony Meredith pieces every season. Having said that, the Viennese Waltz is crazy boring. And unfortunately, it also put all of Robert's weaknesses on display. When he lifted Anya over his head, I kept panicking that he would drop her; I'm convinced he almost did. Nigel called it "a straight-arm lift," but it clearly wasn't; his left arm was bent the entire time, and I think Anya could've fallen if she was up there any longer. It was a decent performance, but I just noticed tiny mistakes that are just amplified by the fact that I don't enjoy this style of dance.
Kent and Courtney (Disco by Doriana Sanchez)
Once again, here's a style that allows Kent to do those annoying facial expressions that I find aggravating but young girls find charming or something. Plus, this routine clearly featured Courtney over Kent. And even what Kent did was only mildly impressive, since this was another slow routine from Doriana Sanchez (Girl, where's the excitement and craziness you used to have? Did you peak with that piece for Brandon and Janette? I want that choreographer back!), and he was basically a prop for Courtney to use. And how awkward to not use a disco song! Disappointing.
Side Note: This episode is crawling.
Lauren and Ade (Jazz by Sean Cheesman)
This may be the first time I've ever said something like this, but Lauren's costume was awesome. That lift? What. The. Fuck. Unbelievable. Major props to Sean Cheesman for finally bringing the fire. This routine was sexy, slinky, filthy, brilliant. Lauren reminded me a lot of Madonna circa the Confessions tour with the lace and heels and blonde hair doing that bitching choreography. Loved it. I don't have much else to say except that with this number, Lauren established herself as the only dancer worthy of winning this show.
Adechike and Kathryn (Contemporary by Desmond Richardson & Dwight Rhoden)
Desmond Richardson is the closest thing we have to a superstar dancer right now. He's a genius, I get it. But seriously... Adechike just did the worm. THE WORM. You know it well. That move drunk frat guys do when they make an impromptu dance floor at their keg parties before puking all over their dates. Yup, Adechike did that on So You Think You Can Dance. I hated almost everything about this piece. I felt no connection to the dancers and saw no connection between them. The movement was frantic and random, not really belonging to any particular style, so it all just felt strange. Adechike and Kathryn were not in sync for the few moments where they were dancing the same movement at the same time, and Adechike rarely (if ever) completed a step before moving on to the next. Toward the end when he and Kathryn were dancing side by side, you can see him do a movement (like the pas de chat) but stop before he's followed through and gone into the next movement, and it makes him look manic. Kathryn doesn't have that problem, so she looks a bit more relaxed. Plus, look at the height Kathryn gets when she kicks... it's a full-out kick; compare it to Adechike's pitiful leg lift, which doesn't go above his hip. That's total bullshit. But the whole thing was just weird; I didn't understand it, and I didn't like it.
Robert and Dominic (Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon D'umo)
I fucking hate clowns. I was too busy being disgusted by the makeup (ew, Dominic, ewwwwwww) and concept to care what was going on. Adechike was the worst dancer this week, but I almost wish Robert would go home tomorrow so I never have to look at him again after this. Those faces he was making just made me sick to my stomach. I hate you sometimes, Nappytabs.
Side Note: Tyce really just said, "That's everything and a bag of chips." I wasn't aware we were still in 1998.
Kent and Neil (Contemporary by Travis Wall)
"Friends," hmm? Yeah, okay. Usually Kent annoys the hell out of me with his manic personality and awful facial expressions so much that I sometimes lose sight of the fact that he's a phenomenal dancer. He really is, even if it's only in his comfort zone of contemporary. But his work in this piece was beautiful. His face was completely under control (I have to think that it's compensation for his being uncomfortable, since he also kept his face lowkey when doing the last Travis Wall piece with Lauren), and his movement was flawless. And a big thank you to Neil for finally showing up. I guess it's kind of hard to hold back when Travis has you throwing another guy through the air and then doing a triple pirouette into a double tour. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. Great routine.
Side Note: I think that was a slight overreaction on Mia's part. Really? No words?
My Pick to Go Home: Adechike